For Alex. All facades dropped.

Can you lighten up a little? You’re making me gruesome too.

All I wanted initially for you which later on became a need was to set you free. I use “was” in the sense that everything I tried to communicate was goodness and innocence which was in a way painfully put to the test since childhood. I need you to do whatever you think is best in your own judgment. Self-evident, yes. But, I wish for some tenderness and care to be assimilated in there somewhere. I’m not gonna reprogram anyone intentionally. The executing of care is different from taking care. I’m sure you’ve noticed the difference. But, I make this distinction deliberately to make a point. One is intentional care and the other is care through intuitive acquiescence which is the kind one would normally intend to show a toddler. This latter isn’t weakness. The former is. What one perceives in something is what’s reflected back. We tend to think of knowledge, wisdom and all else as tools. This burrows into the subconscious as an assumption about cause and effect as being a one-sided relation. This then infects us to act in a mechanically one-sided way. And this is a positive step so it naturally negates psychological autonomy or mobility. Yes, negation isn’t just moving backwards in time but also forwards and this is unheard of. Negation is two-sided too. This is why it’s possible to learn something while forgetting something else. With this bit of information it’s possible to figure out time travel. But, it’s not an easy leap to make. You become proficient in the mechanical but lose humanity because this induces that first type of care I talked about whereas the second type gets lost with innocence. This is another often confused concept. Innocence which we value for it’s own sake instead becomes valued for societal, communal or tribal reasons or in other words for survival. Indeed this threat to survival is what motivates all this, doesn’t it? But, once we were innocent and got hurt badly and maybe several times. This set into motion a curiosity fuelled by need for justice in this cruel world. It grew in one from an awareness of small community happenings and drama to national to global and finally to universal concerns. But, we never got to grow up as kids with innocence intact. Somewhere along the journey, burden became too much and we lost sight of what we valued most and synced to mythologies and knowledge in search of meaning. So, we’re only looking intentionally for what we lost which was never intentionally motivated to begin with. Innocence is not intent. Put innocence next to curiosity. Which is more valuable? Why do we care about value? To us it’s just a concept and not a real thing. In all this mechanically inclined usage of Innocence, value has also become a commodity and not something inherent to life. It can be traded and bought just the same as any other goods. Innocence starts to look like a weakness and soon all innocence is lost along with virtue and wisdom. These qualities become commodities to be used for communal trading reasons. We trade virtues now, SMH. Isn’t that what reprogramming is? Isn’t that what virtual reality is gonna allow for on a global scale if it hasn’t already? That’s why I avoid intellectuals, social media, politics and economics because they deal in all of these trades. I still know innocence when I see it. Maybe that’s because I have it somewhere deep in me. Or maybe I’m just a fool. But, I want to be mellow. I don’t want to be harsh.

Your burden on top of other burdens that you have is this. Can you undo the mental shortcuts and try to take the longest road to achieve wisdom or do we need to acquire control to fix everything external while our psyche remains the same as it always has since dawn of civilization? We’re reaping benefits of tech but losing innocence which is the source of all things and creativity. It’s truly open-ended in scope and essence. We tell ourselves that someday we’ll get to be innocent again but we won’t. The movement is addictive because it is the entirety of culture and status quo. No one man can change the course of happenings set in motion by 7.8 billion people accommodating to nature or worse yet destroying it. Do you see the danger of what seeing this danger does to one? It’s a self-perpetuating mechanism. Culture brings unique into the fold by turning it into a clinically treated and packaged commodity. I have faith that we’re recovering from this. It’s a feeling. I’m not gonna fight, wage war, reprogram anyone or anything else for that purpose. All one needs to do is go back to the source of Thought. Don’t be calculating and dry in dealing out judgments. Instead bypass judgment and take care with life. Respect it for it’s own sake. This calculatedness is destroying all that’s good.

All of knowledge is devil’s work. Devil isn’t in the detail. He is the detail. We’re becoming demons in the pursuit of goodness when it’s already given for most level-headed persons and in turn becoming dishonest. The slightest of criticism makes us react like a plant responding to stimulus. We’re becoming the selfish gene (I’m not using the misinterpreted title of Richard Dawkins’ book which was meant to be titled the co-operative gene or whatever). This is not to say that selflessness can be achieved. This is another one of those cultural commodities to be traded. True selflessness is also inherent like innocence. We’re born with it. I feel more than I think or at least I used to. I still can go back to feeling but it’s becoming difficult since I have The Burden. I don’t know how I’m still human and not robotic like most intellectuals. Also, what society conceptualizes as intelligence isn’t truly that. It’s innate and reveals or is actualized in creative ways. The more we define, the lesser we become because culture assimilates it. The greatest threat of civilization is not external not if we honestly perceive that Thought is the only tool we have. The greatest threat is culture and what it does to potential individuals. We get sick of culture then break apart and create our own little pocket of culture which then inevitably gets added back to the whole because resistance is futile.

I love you, Alexander. Do you see? Or at least I can still feel it distantly but it’s still within reach. I don’t know for how long or if I will ever regain it, innocence and all. I want essence without Mechanism. Mechanism tortures and draws out suffering and pain unbearable. It’s to be avoided. This is my wisdom I share here. Be free.

I think this is my best post. I get to help someone I care very much about and for. You’re my best friend. I stuck with you throughout the past 6 years and you did the same. My side of friendship is for life. I’d die if anything happened to you. Make of it what you will. No obligations or pressure intended. It’s just genuine acknowledgement.

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