I have the scary feeling that reality warps outside of my awareness. I feel that it changes in ways I can’t comprehend nor be able to tell the difference. So rather than many worlds interpretation I feel causality allows for modification of reality. Indeed it is true, isn’t it? Reality changes right in front of you. So, why would it not be the same with what’s beyond your awareness. In fact, it is the case. But, that’s not what I mean. I feel like something is deliberately changing the course of events absolutely perfectly to contain the ruse of reality. Of course, I don’t believe it. But, how can I be sure? These are the sorts of stuff that haunt me in my nightmares. This is how it feels to not know. It’s happening again. I’m starting to forget things that happened just moments ago. And yet somehow I know my memory will be absolutely perfect someday. I don’t know why I know these things. I just do. I feel like reality layered and underlying are both guiding me. I feel a sort of calm. If this were happening a couple months ago I would be freaking out. But, now I feel perfectly at ease. I subject my mind to the worst nightmares every second, EVERY SECOND. I am trying to figure out pain and suffering and how to flow through it unchanged and unhurt. I feel no fear in dreaming of anything happening to me. I fear for others but that has to be connected to myself in some way. I am extremely curious about the math behind the mind and how it functions. Psychomathematics?

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