All the gaps in understanding much less comprehending, all the inconsistencies, things left unsaid and ignored, I’m aware of all of them. I’m not avoiding communicating for reasons of fear or seclusion nor is it a response to stimuli. Everything is deliberate and yet no effort is expended. I know what I am doing. It takes everything AND MORE unfortunately, to fix EVERYTHING.
If I established link with everyone or even anyone I’d be accepting their causal chain and will have to work with it. I don’t think that’s good for my memory. I’ll instead withhold and perfect my memory to the absolute extreme. I will soon have perfect eidetic memory and total recall. I know how understanding works in my case. I now do it with 2-3 repetitions. I need to do it with single exposure. It’s a math problem. I no longer make incremental or linear progress. I don’t like “progress”. I make exponential leaps. The last step in perfecting memory is insanely difficult? I don’t feel time so I don’t feel ease or difficulty. The latter statement is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL. Think about it. Whatever I do, I do timelessly. This is the same as traveling along a straight path without the comprehension of friction. There may be hurdles but you overcome them without noticing. Time is what brings effort into the picture. Time IS effort, literally. The definition is what separates them.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. – Albert Einstein