A man of no faith

I try everyday but I can’t seem to acquire faith in humanity. I only have faith in goodness or at least I used to. I really don’t know. I can’t feel it anymore. I mean goodness. All I feel is plaguing sense of doubt and lack of trust. I feel disappointed. I feel like I will never be whole again. I have no certainty about anything. All I feel is evil great or less. The lesser evil relieves my burden momentarily by giving me a chance to breathe for a few moments and then the burden is back. All the good I see looks and feels like lesser evil, so evil nonetheless. I have to realize goodness or else there’s no joyful life for me. I can never be fulfilled not even living amongst the ones I love dearly. Somehow I have to do this impossible task. I have to eradicate evil completely, existentially. Nothing else to do. Every waking moment of my life is consumed by this. I will never ask for help again because I know that no one can help me. It’s like the people who kill themselves. No one could help when you feel that way. This burden is mine alone. No more pep talk, niceties for the sake of continuing the status quo, no more compromises.

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